Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
