We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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