you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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