I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
