That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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