highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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