You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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