I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
