so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
