theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
