i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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