And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
