sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There r osticjed everywhere
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize