i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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