nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
