did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
