You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
