seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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