It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
