It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
