shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
