He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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