Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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