Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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