she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
