somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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