I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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