her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
