guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
