She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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