My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
