I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
