so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
