You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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