He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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