I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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