I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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