Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
