We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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