...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
