he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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