Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
