Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
