A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
