There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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