My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
