he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
