were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
