I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Mom said you looked used
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
