I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
