o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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