Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
