Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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