so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
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You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
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She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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