I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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