I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
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DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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