Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
