lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
