I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
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Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
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The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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