Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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