is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
