I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
