Just fell off a train. Bad.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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