Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
