I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
