I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
