She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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