im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
pray to the hookup gods
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
