My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
