she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
