There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
