Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
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I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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