so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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