i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
