When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
