Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
