i just sent this text using only my big toe
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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