those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i love accidental penises.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
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I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
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You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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