Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
