I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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