Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
